Growing Up
posted in General |When Miss B was born, I really started focussing on ‘being a terrific dad.’ And I admit that sometimes when I was out walking with her, taking her to the playground or the fountain, I imagined people looking at us and thinking “oh look … what a great dad.” I don’t do that anymore (the imagining other people part), and with Miss K, I’m trying to ‘live in the moment’ more. Which leads me to ‘living in the moment’ with my elder daughter, too.
It’s hard. It’s really hard. Last night, for instance, we sent Miss B to bed at 9:30. She was late, but her homework wasn’t completed. And then she cried and complained and whined until about midnight. At 11, we had let her go into our bedroom, hoping she’d go to sleep, and then at midnight I had gone in to go to bed, but kicked her out of bed because I wanted to sleep and “didn’t want her to win by crying for three hours.” While she got herself all worked up and unable to relax and let the sandman do his job, I had also allowed myself to get all worked up, and forgotten the most important lesson I’m learning from my daughters.
They may be my kids forever, but they won’t be kids forever.
Mrs B is a whole lot better about it. She is able to negotiate a lot better with Miss B, and frequently steps in between the two of us as we’re fighting. A lot of times, I’m too stuck on how I think it should be, and can’t be bothered to frame it in a more child-like context. For instance, last night, cuddling with my daughter for five to ten minutes would have saved me three hours of anger. In fact, I was focused on trying to get some work done on various computing projects, and her fit was really distracting me and sucking my energy– ten minutes of chilling with her on the couch would have helped me focus. And it would have helped me focus on what was really important– not “paying the bills” but “enjoying my kids.”
Miss B played hookey today. Mrs B “let” her, although when we discussed it, I was still caught up in “not letting Miss B win by throwing a fit for three hours,” but was more interested in getting everyone to bed (at 12:30AM ). I went to work, and Miss B worked her entire day on a “minerals” project due tomorrow. I have to say that if it weren’t for two things, that project wouldn’t be done yet, and she’d be finishing it this weekend. Those two things are … taking today off, and the amount of work that Mrs B put into keeping her daughter focussed on the task. The project is terrific, and Miss B is really (rightfully) proud of it. She’s put a lot of work into it.
She also shaved her legs this week. She called her mother into the bathroom during her bath, and they discussed leg-shaving, and then she went ahead and did it. That’s really what I meant to talk about today– my daughter “growing up,” but maybe I’m growing up too.
