Behind Blue Eyes (reprise)
posted in Frenzied Daddy |No one knows what it’s like To be the bad man
To be the sad man Behind blue eyes
My teenage anthem. I listened to a lot of teenaged anthem, and while I understand some songs better now, this one I’m pretty much discarded. I’m no longer “the sad man behind blue eyes.” I haven’t been, since I met Ms B, really. 
But my dreams, they aren’t as empty,
as my conscience seems to be.
My dreams aren’t empty. But for the most part,they consist of “I’ll show them.” As in, “I’ll show Mr Keupker.” Or “I’ll show Dr. Cogan.” Although, I don’t really have much to show her. She told me that I was an unusually lateral thinker, and that she expected her students to call her when they were working on the doctorate,or when they had discovered the cure for cancer, or … you know; when they “made it.”
I don’t ever expect to be calling her to tell her that I made it. I’m not sure why not; it’s probably something to do with how I normally say that I don’t have much aspiration.
I don’t have a good segue here.
When I was a kid, I remember my dad saying “I bragged about you at work today.” I don’t remember anything he actually bragged
about though. Of my specific memories of my dad, they’re either neutral times (oh, gee we went fishing. I fell in the creek. He caught a fish. We saw some weirdos in waders. ) or times I messed up. Which don’t need to be gone into right now (grin). I was smart. Ok, I am smart. But then I was in the TAG (talented and gifted) program at school. People told me I was smart. How’d I get in? The part of my evaluation I remember was being given a piece of paper and a yellow crescent piece of paper, and being told to make a drawing with the crescent on the paper. I made “a little dutch girl” with the crescent as her hat. You know, like Madeline. TAG consisted of leaving the normal class and going to a special class for an hour every Wednesday (and doing something “smart”).
Mom, Dad, I’m not fishing for compliments. But, I don’t remember being told what I had done that was especially smart.
These days, I’m “anti-TAG.” In the sense that it doesn’t help kids to be singled out and given what amounts to extra work along with an extra label. I believe that all kids have talents and by focusing on “TAG” kids we neglect other kids. Well, it’s not so much “anti-tag” as … apathetic to TAG. I don’t think it’s a good solution for the problem our kids face.
The NY Times has an interesting article on what it means to call kids “smart” that just might give me more “anti-tag” ammunition. Apparently, when you praise a kid as “Oh, kid, you’re so smart” it doesn’t emphasis something they have control over. So, given kids that are “smart” versus kids that “have worked hard at…”, the second group shows more willingness to try new things and more resilience when they “fail.” That’s its first point; to praise something the kid has control over.
The second point is that “Intelligence can be exercised and made stronger.” Which is a somewhat different point, but falls into my
belief that all kids are smart (within some exceptions, ok? I acknowledge that some kids are more smart, and some kids are less
smart).
I don’t want my girls to grow up as “ambitionless” as me. I want them to be able to make a decision as to what they want, and not let stupid things stand in their ways. Looking at the numbers in this study (referenced at the top), it appears that I need to focus more on praising their efforts in the face of adversity. Right now, we have a problem with Miss B and homework. This week she’s been a lot better, but usually it’s a challenge. It’s a challenge exactly parallel to the one Thomas’s (read the article) parents face. She’s a brilliant kid, but would rather complain about something being “too hard” and not do it, rather than just try it.
This article has touched me, both as a “samrt kid” and as the parent of “smart kids.”
