2nd January 2008

So, what do I do now?

posted in Frenzied Daddy, kid |

I think I’ve mentioned before that I had recently come to the conclusion that dad wasn’t blind to my shenanigans but chose to overlook them rather than dream up some strange punishment.

I’ve been suspecting the DQ of sneaking downstairs after I go to bed for a while.

I caught the DQ downstairs after bedtime last night. I was working on going to bed, sent her and the TT to bed around 9:30, and she told me not to stay up too late. She asked when I was headed to bed and i told her 10. Well, it’s true, but I was trying to finish a project that kept me up to 10:30. At about 10:10, she called downstairs to see if I was up. I responded. She came down, gave me a hug, and scolded me.

I finally finished about 10:30. When I came upstairs, I noticed that her light in her room was on. I headed to bed. About fifteen minutes later, I heard her come out of her room; they turned off the lights and the TT claimed she was scared. The DQ made some other light, brought the TT some water, and then called downstairs. Then they crawled into our bedroom. I don’t know why. Kids these days. Shortly afterwards, the DQ led the TT downstairs.

I let her / them get into whatever they were doing and then strode over, opened the door and sent them to bed. The DQ came up acting sheepish.

My first inclination is to ground the DQ from computers and televisions today. Just today. I’m not angry, but I want to impress on her that when I send them to bed, I’m expecting them to go to bed, not stay up and sneak down to play video games until the weary hours of the night.

On the other hand, it’s not a school night. The only fallout from them staying up so late ( two nights in a row; they were up late for new years as well ) is their unmitigated grouchiness today.

I’m mildly annoyed that she led the toddler around and encouraged the toddler to be sneaky, but I guess that’s what big sisters do. ( big brothers don’t teach their siblings to be sneaky, noooo ).

Anyhow. What would you folks do about this? Both Ms B and I work early in the morning, so we’d rather not stay up and enforce bedtime by keeping the kids away from the computers and playstation. I don’t want the kids on the computers when we’re not there, but I want to keep my workstation on all night ( I have some scripts that run every night) which precludes my turning off the router all night. She did lie to me about going to bed, and told me that the TT couldn’t sleep ( duh, your light was on ! ).

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There are currently 3 responses to “So, what do I do now?”

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  1. 1 On January 2nd, 2008, Steven said:

    I believe the PS2 has a parental lockout, but not sure if it has a timer that can be set. It might be a deterrent if the reasons for sneaking downstairs suddenly became unavailable. As for the pc, unless there’s some parental programs that could do a similar lockout, not sure what you could do there. As my father found out with my brother, passwords promote innovation, so if you can find a solution that doesn’t require the target to decide “hey, I can beat this!” all the better!

  2. 2 On January 3rd, 2008, Auntie Linda said:

    DQ is a very smart kid, as you know. I doubt she has the skills (yet) to get around a lockout system.

    The only kids I’ve parented have been DQ’s age through HS so I’m not the best at this; however, having also taught grades 9-12 and up, I may have some academic perspective, to take it for what it’s worth–that and the fact that I love the kid. “My” teenaged girls were not into computers. One was preparing to become a rock star (which she did!), the other wasn’t sure who she was yet. I’m scared by what I see on TV about the lure of IM and blog sites where kids are targeted by predatory characters.

    I’d be tempted to have a talk with DQ, starting with something that makes this an introductory discussion about what’s going on, without any debits on the table (at this point). Something open-ended–I’m a little concerned, and wonder what you wanted/needed to do so much that you’d mislead me into thinking you were going to bed for the night.” That sounds too stilted, so whatever you might usually say to encourage DQ to open up her side of the equation.

    If you can get a real conversation going, you may be able to talk with her about your own side of the equation–what you and Ms B need, and why, and how DQ’s behavior impacts that. “Your mother and I need to go to sleep because we are up really early, even on days you aren’t in school. If I have to stay up to be sure you go to sleep, I can’t [work, sleep, . . .]. I guess I’m saying try treating her as an adult, which in part she already is. She does seem to understand and respond to adult reasoning, in my limited experience of living with her for 10 days. VERY limited experience!

    Maybe she believes she’s ready for later bedtime hours. If she’s waking up grouchy, she’s probably wrong about that, but it’s, um, can you stand it? age-appropriate behavior to test the limits. It’s such a tightrope to walk as a parent. She needs to begin setting her own values, at the same time she needs the security of parental solidarity.

  3. 3 On January 3rd, 2008, Alli said:

    Password protect the PC’s .. If she learns/figured out a new and complex password, hey at least she was learning.

    The other option is talk to her about letting her stay up later on non school nights, however giving her a limited list of activities, and the agreement that she not keep the TT awake, or be grumpy the next day.

    My dad cut a deal with us as kids, we could stay up late reading or coloring quietly in bed. He made it when I was in 1st grade, it worked for many years.

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