Frenzied Daddy

Am I strange? Am I the only one who reads “Work – kick your butt into line- self -help” books and thinks how they apply to family life?

This guy, Larry Winget, has this to say…. “It’s your fault. It’s not your coworkers that make your work suck. If sales suck, it’s because you suck (as a salesman).” This really led itself to reflection on my life as a father- “The house sucks because you suck as a house cleaner / house maintainer.” or “The kids’ work ethic sucks because you suck at teaching kids work ethic.” And then the corollary to this, once you’ve acknowledged that it’s your fault, is “You like it like this.” Because it’s your fault and it’s not changing. This also applies, once the kid is old enough to examine their lives, to the kid. Miss B must like getting yelled at, being ordered to do her practicing, and being embarrassed at school when I walk her to school to turn in her homework.

Actually, as just an training/observation thing, it works for the five year old too. I can observe her and consider if she’s doing a particular thing because she likes the result.

Interesting book so far. I’m only on chapter 5, I’m skimming through it pretty quickly (he repeats himself a lot).

There are two problems with cutting your finger with the lid of the dog food can. The first is that the lid is not nearly as sharp as your mother (“Don’t throw that at your brother! You’ll cut his head off!”) or Charlie Brown (“I cut myself on your dog food can. I hope it doesn’t affect your enjoyment of your meal.”) would have you believe. So while the cut itself is smallish, it’s really a rip in the skin and hurts like the dickens. The second is that this is when you learn that Barbie and Skipper used up all the bandaids when that maniac Ken rammed his car into theirs to keep them from capturing the fairy unicorn.

Is it true that girls grow up to marry their dads? To look for, in a partner, similar qualities to what they had in their fathers?

I compare myself to my Dad In Law, Rich, and I see some similarities- we both make sacrifices to “take care of” our families, we’re both engaged with our spouses (and kids). We’re both “family guys” – our aspiration is to take care of our families, not to make a million dollars or rule the world. Of course, there are some differences. He mumbles was in the Navy, for instance.

If this is true- what qualities would the TT or the DQ see in me that she would want to have in a partner? And what qualities do I have in me that I wouldn’t want them to think are appropriate? I don’t (seriously) beat them, for instance. What about you? What do you see in your women and their fathers, and what do you see in yourself?

On reflection, I don’t think this is the first time I’ve contemplated this.

Never take 40 or so vanilla wafers (generic is ok), mash them into crumbs, add half a stick of butter and some sugar and press into a pie dish, then bake at 350 for about 9 minutes.

Never, ever, slice three ripe bananas on to the top of the crust. Never, ever, dump a cup or so of fresh blueberries onto the bananas. And don’t ever slice up another cup of strawberries and put them on top of the blueberries.

Whatever you do, don’t take a package of pudding mix and mix it with a little less milk than the directions say (2.5 cups rather than 3) and pour it over the fresh fruits. Don’t put it into the fridge until it more or less solidifies, at the same time taking a tub of cool whip out of the freezer.

Don’t smear the thawed cool whip over the set pudding.

No, don’t do any of that. Make the kids do it.

(ps, don’t dunk the left over nilla wafers into the cool whip to test its thawedness. Nope.)
(pps, no I don’t really consider banana cream pie to be a serving of fruit)

It’s not often that Miss K and I get away on our own. Today, I finished some work for a client and took a break by taking Miss K to the Salmon Street fountain.

Our trip was another example of a flaw in my fathering. I have a hard time entertaining the kids without “doing something with them,” meaning “get out of the house and go somewhere.” I’m not sure where it comes from- my own dad would spend an afternoon chasing me to Australia so I could get my two armies a turn, while he got the rest of the world, until he won the risk game. Or just “hanging out.” Or whatever. It’s hard for me to interact with my kids in the house. Anyway.

She was surprised to see the fountain. I don’t think she’s ever been there. I’d have pictures but I learned too late that the camera was powerless. She didn’t have a swimsuit or even a towel. She did ask if she could “get all wet” and I said “of course” and then sat back and enjoyed her enjoyment of the fountain. She got nice and wet and very cold. Then she finally said it was time to go home. We stopped for another first; the “Dog House” on Burnside (which is now called Frank-N-Furter). She had a regular with ketchup. I had a Polish with brown mustard and sauerkraut (my favorite). She was impressed by the ‘dog.

We got home and she fell asleep in the living room. She feels a little warm; maybe she’s not feeling too well. But she had a nice afternoon, and it was good to get away.

too quiet, if you ask me. Which you didn’t.

The girls are gone to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, leaving myself and Ms B alone. Days on end without hearing “DAAAAAADDDY” or even “what’s for dinner” or *gasp* “I’m hungry.” What’s a guy to do?

Well, I don’t mind telling you. I’m playing on the xbox, I’m surfing the internets, and I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. But on the other hand, it’s hard to think of what I’m “supposed to do next.” I guess I’d better learn to figure it out because college for Miss B is coming, and someday the girls will move out of the house. And my empty nest will be this quiet all the time.

Well – I’m off to read a book, and build some more websites. There’s always room for more websites. Talk atcha soon!

But she could be!

I’ve landed a temporary gig at a place in Beaverton, remaking their website. I’ll be working there at least 30 hours a week. It’ll be interesting; I haven’t had a daily “go to work” job in over two years; the last one was Interlink. Since then, it’s been a combination office/work from home or just plain work from home. I’m excited and nervous, wondering about the culture there; do people eat at their desks? Will they understand peanut butter and jelly, an apple and a juice box?

Thirty hours a week won’t keep me from my other engagements. It’s temporary, so I’ll be looking for more gigs. But the stress will be off for a little while.

On the other hand, Miss B will be out from school soon (about this time next month) and we’ll have to discuss if we send her to a sitter or trust her alone. Alone in quotes; the neighbors are awesome. What’s the age you at which you were left alone? I was alone in the house … uhm third grade?

I had a conversation about a year ago with my boss; he wanted to know why I had “blown off” an entire day of work, with plenty of high priority projects in the queue. It was one of those days where I was supposed to get a million things done for work, for home, for other projects, and I hadn’t been taking my brain drugs and had, in fact, spent the entire day reading a book.

I don’t do it often, especially when I’m taking my drugs, but I’d be lying if I said I was perfect.

I had retreated from the high stress world of everything I was supposed to do into some easier world. Like spending my day watching Oprah and One Life to Live. It’s hard not to do that yesterday, today and tomorrow — I have work to get done and a full time job to find, but books are seductive and easy. I’ve reread a couple of Linnea Sinclair Romance-Science Fiction novels, but really, I’m trying hard to stay productive.

The TT and I put in a small raised bed with tomatoes, peas and radishes.

The DQ has the same problem. She’s been hiding in books rather than doing her “boring” homework (some Outdoor School vocabulary books, her normal geography, that sort of stuff). On the one hand, it’s great that she’s reading (it’s fan-tastic that she likes reading), and she is even supposed to read 1000 pages every quarter of school (part of her grade depends on it). On the other, it’s frustrating to have to punish her for not doing her homework.

Both of us have a similar problem; hiding in the books to avoid work/homework. How would you suggest I teach her to focus on her homework?